The Weight of the Word “Should”

You hear it every day either from yourself or from someone else. All the things in your life you “should” be doing. I should go to the gym, I should eat healthier, I should write a blog post (hehe!). But where is all this supposed to get you?

My Wake-Up Call With the Books on My Dresser

I started to notice I was a "shoulder" over the past year, but I didn’t fully grasp my awareness of it until a couple of months ago. I was cleaning out my apartment, selling things I didn’t need, and I noticed I had about fifty books sitting on my dresser. I looked at them and I said to myself, “oh I should read these.” That is when something clicked. Why should I read all of these? Seeing those books sitting there overwhelmed me and stressed me out, and it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with them. Why should I read all of them? So I gave myself permission to sell the ones I no longer wanted to read. I sold thirty of them.

Why Was I Doing These Things in the First Place?

I started to think about all the things that I "should" myself on, and more importantly why was I doing them? Was I doing it because I wanted to, or was I doing it because somewhere along the way I was told I had to? Was it fun, or did I dread it? That’s when I started making more room for things in my life because I truly wanted to do them, not because someone once said I should.

Rediscovering What Brings Me Joy

I found out that I actually love the gym. I love that for one hour of my day, I get to listen to a really good playlist and half dance/ half workout on the elliptical. I started to do it not because someone said it was good for my health, but because for one hour, it brings me joy. I gave myself permission to read fiction. I love to learn, and so in college, all I read were fashion books, and now I am consumed with wellness books for when I launch my own life coaching business. I realized, though, I wasn’t having any fun reading anymore. It became a chore, something I had to do to learn something new. So I decided to pick up a fiction book and read that instead, and I loved every second of it.

This Week’s Challenge: Break the “Should” Cycle

So this week, I challenge you to look at your life. What is one thing that you always "should" yourself on? Give yourself permission to not do it. Or if you always "shouldn’t" yourself (I shouldn’t eat that cookie, I shouldn’t spend time on myself), then give yourself permission to do it. Eat that cookie, take the time to do your nails. Find things in life that bring you joy and make more time for them.

What Happened When I Stopped Controlling Everything

For me, I was always holding myself to eat better and go to the gym. I either would follow through on my should and hate every second of it, or I would rebel against myself and continue to watch hours of TV or eat a whole box of cookies. Once I gave myself permission to not go to the gym every day, and allow myself to eat whatever I felt like, I started to crave the gym and I started to eat healthier. My afternoon snack went from a cookie or chocolate to an apple. Sometimes I still want a cookie, and guess what, I eat one and it is delicious.

Think about what you want in life, and allow yourself to have it. Sometimes the only thing keeping us from joy is ourselves.