Episode 35: Struggling With Low Self Esteem & The Need For Attention

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Hey there, it's Ellie here, your host for the Own Your Confidence Podcast. I hope everyone's enjoying their summer – it always seems to go by in a flash. Today, I want to tackle a topic that caught my attention on social media. There was a TikTok video that went viral with over 2 million views and 400,000 likes. The caption struck a chord: "My beige flag, which is maybe a bit of a red flag, is that I have extremely low self-esteem to the point I truly believe no one could possibly be attracted to me. But at the same time, I have the most unhinged God complex which makes me believe every person that ever so slightly looks in my direction must be in love with me." This really resonated, and I realized I used to be in this mindset completely. So, let's dive deep into this topic today.

Low Self-Esteem and the Need for Attention

This dual dynamic of low self-esteem and craving attention isn't really an unhinged God complex. It's more about the need for attention, and both stem from that core of low self-esteem. On one side, low self-esteem can make you feel unattractive, like no one could ever be interested in you. On the flip side, it drives you to seek attention from others, almost desperately, because you're seeking validation to fill that void. This cycle is perpetuated by a belief that settling for attention is better than nothing.

The Search for Attention and Love

I remember feeling this way, especially when I was around 13 and started receiving attention from boys in school. The attention made me feel special, like maybe I was good enough for someone. This craving carried into my college years, a time when we're all figuring ourselves out. But it set me up for trouble. Craving attention led to relationships built on the wrong foundation. When the attention faded, my self-esteem plummeted even further. I realized I needed to learn how to love myself.

Learning to Love Yourself and Shift Your Mindset

Healing this cycle requires giving yourself the attention you seek. It's about validating your need for attention and recognizing that it's a natural human desire. The goal isn't necessarily to eliminate the desire for attention, but to shift your relationship with it. Building your confidence and self-esteem involves learning to be kind to all parts of yourself. It's about validating your need for attention and then meeting that need in healthy ways.

Shifting Thought Patterns and Building Confidence

Shifting thought patterns is a significant step in healing the need for attention. Your external circumstances trigger your thoughts, which create feelings, and those feelings drive your actions. Recognizing negative thought cycles and shifting them is key. For instance, replacing "I'll never be attractive" with "I wonder if they're single" can lead to more positive interactions.

Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

The journey to building a healthy relationship with yourself takes time and courage. It's about learning not to use rejection as a weapon against yourself and finding validation from within. It's accepting that wanting attention is okay, but it's what you do with it that matters. As you work on your self-confidence, you'll find yourself taking risks, trying new things, and growing through those experiences.


The need for attention is normal, and you're not alone in this struggle. What matters is how you navigate it and give yourself the attention and love you're seeking. Remember, building a better relationship with yourself is the foundation of true confidence. If this resonates with you, know that you're on a journey many of us have taken. I'm sending you all so much love. Have an amazing week ahead!


Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or want to discuss this topic further. You're never alone in this journey, and remember that building a better relationship with yourself is the first step towards real confidence. Sending you all so much love!

XO,

Ellie Curry