Do You Make Space for Joy?

Do you experience joy? Are you happy with how your life is right now? Sometimes I feel like I can get bogged down with the day-to-day of life, and I forget to add in pleasure! Maybe you are overwhelmed with work, or have a bunch of things on your to-do list, maybe you fill your life with a bunch of things you “should” do. I would like you to pause and take a deep breath.

Why Pleasure Matters

Pleasure is an important aspect of life. The problem with pleasure, though, is that if we don’t prioritize it, it can quickly fall off our radar. This is when we end up in a rut. You are probably thinking to yourself, but I don’t have any time, I am overwhelmed as it is.
Pleasure will always get pushed to the back burner unless you make the time for it. Often, if we don’t make it a priority, it sneaks in, in ways we don’t want.

What Happens When We Don’t Prioritize Pleasure

Until I found a group of friends, I used to spend almost every Friday and Saturday night eating and watching TV. I was so desperate for pleasure in my life, so I ate to feel it. I also used TV as a way to feel as if I was a part of socializing because I got to “watch” a group of friends having the fun I wish I was having.

When we don’t prioritize pleasure, we subconsciously seek it out in other ways. Maybe you can relate to my story—maybe you are always checking Instagram or playing games on your phone as your form of pleasure. Now I’m not saying these things are bad once in a while, but if they become your main source of pleasure, it keeps you missing out on having a life of your own.

Pleasure Is Self-Care, Too

Pleasure should be a consistent priority in your life. It is a version of taking care of yourself. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but you can’t give when you don’t have anything. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you are going to show up cranky or always frazzled for those who depend on you.
So right here, right now, it is time to give yourself permission to do one thing for yourself today.

Feeling Overwhelmed? Start Here

So you might still be stuck in the feeling of overwhelm: I can’t take any me time—my to-do list is way too long!
If you don’t do anything else for yourself today, do this:

Grab a piece of paper and brainstorm all the things in your life you are doing out of obligation—all the “shoulds.”

Sort Your Shoulds into 3 Categories

Once you have your list, divide it into three categories:

1. The “Shoulds” You Need to Ask for Help On

Take some of these “shoulds” off your plate. As a woman, I always feel like I need to do it all.
I remember once when I came home from college for the weekend, my Dad was going to take my luggage out of my car, and I said to him, “Oh, you don’t have to do that, I can get it.”
He turned to me and said, “You need to start letting people help you.” Lightbulb moment.
It is not a weakness to ask for help—it actually will help you feel less crazy!

2. The “Shoulds” You Need to Let Go Of

Stop doing these shoulds altogether!

• Who is telling you that you have to do them?
• Where are these shoulds coming from?
• What is the reason behind the should?

Stop and ask yourself: Am I doing this activity for myself, or am I doing it for someone else?
Remove the activities that no longer add value to who you are.

3. The “Shoulds” You Can Reframe

There are some “shoulds” we feel obligated to do no matter what. For me, one of those is working out. I was constantly beating myself up for not working out.

I finally took the time to look into my “why” under the should—and I was amazed. I needed to work out because society tells me that I won’t be healthy unless I do, and I’m afraid to get fat.
Whoa—that is the LEAST motivating reason to go to the gym ever!
Of course, it was a should in my life. Not only was I beating myself up over it, but the reason I had for doing it did not align with who I was at all.

Be intentional when you add activities into your life. Truly do something because you have a great reason for doing it. I was able to reframe my mindset around working out so it was no longer a “should.”

You Deserve Pleasure

Consistent pleasure in your life can transform who you are. Take the time to live with intention and be aware of your actions.
Question why you do the things you do.
Make pleasure a priority—you deserve it.